The Confidence Journey - Surgery

I won’t tell you I was excited the whole time, there were a lot of things going on that prevented that. I won’t tell you I felt ready, I won’t even tell you that I never had a tinge of fear and regret through the whole if I just backed out it would be a better choice. Let me break it down for you. Stephen has a past, like me, filled with tumultuous relationships that obviously didn’t work out. Those are his stories to tell, should he ever feel like he wants to, just know, dear outsider, that the scars left are ever present. Once I got the call that I was one of the chosen athletes, my mind was on hyperdrive, fear began running rampant. Fear of failure as much as fear of success, fear of unworthiness as much as fear of if I could actually do it. I’m a dreamer, a lover of grand ideas. Yes, I’ve seen some of them to fruition, but I’ve also let many fall through the cracks, this was one, that if given the opportunity, the moments that came with it could change the entire course of our  life in a very small amount of time and that alone made me pause to contemplate if I was actually prepared for that. Stephen and I talked nearly everyday about it, if our relationship could withstand all that would occur, if the choices we would make as a unit would be fruitful and worth every painful step coming. Everything moved so fast, I was glad that we had taken the opportunity seriously and had discussed and planned for if I ended up being one of the two. It was 9 days, from the call until I went in for surgery, 9 days. That very short amount of time made me so thankful that Stephen is the amazing man that he is, that my job is flexible, that everyone at Dr. Morales’ office was more prepared than I could’ve ever imagined. At my pre-op consultation, I was presented with a bag full of gauze, wraps, binding, pads, bra and homeopathic medication to start straight away to help the recovery process. I only had to visit the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions, no guessing as to what I may or may not need. The paperwork gave a timeline and how to best prepare for surgery as well as recover once I was home. The morning of the surgery was an anxiety ridden piece of time that I will be happy to never relive. The drive was just over an hour, we just missed a wreck, Stephen was scared, I was nervous. I had spent the week prior prepping the littles, Amelia (9) and Payton (13) for everything going forward. The surgical center was easy to find in the early hours, it was quiet and serene, very classy and ran incredibly smooth. We waited, once I checked in with the front they asked if anyone was there with me and how to contact them, we waited a bit more. All in all, I suppose it was really only around 15 minutes or so of waiting before they called me back. A sweet nurse, with a kind sense of humor and maternal habits guided me to where I would be for the duration of my stay. She asked questions of my medical history, did a pregnancy test, as well as ask what surgeries I was getting specifically, she wanted to ensure I knew exactly what I was getting done, no surprises. She asked me to disrobe and instructed me where to place specific belongings as she would step out to prepare a few more things and bring Stephen in. Once she came back I was sat into a chair blessed by the hands of angels, it was comfortable and included a personal heater, it was perfect. She prepared my IV as Chase and Lance came in to speak with me, they told me how Sarah’s surgery went and we’re really excited with how smoothly everything was going thus far. The anesthesiologist came in and asked a few questions, prepared me for the next steps, my personal nurse Kelly also came in to touch base. Dr. Morales made his entrance and let me know the next steps, prepared me with the markings that would be a basic guide for him during surgery and answer any questions I may have. It was time to start, Kelly walked me back to the operating room and asked me questions to keep my mind at ease, like a good friend would do. She wiped me down with the antiseptic, had me sit on the table and everything faded to black.
Dr. Morales